Friday, January 11, 2008

U n Me

From break-ups, divorces to general tension in the household, believe it or not but lack of space in relationships can have disastrous results. And yet it takes very little to let your partner get in touch with his or her self. Here’s how…
Respect your partner’s need for personal space:

Though rather philosophical, Khalil Gibran’s words on Marriage are as practical as they are poetic - “…But let there be spaces in your togetherness,And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.Love one another but make not a bond of love…For the pillars of the temple stand apart,And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.”

Each person needs some time alone to gather oneself. This may mean taking out time for oneself only. So while your partner is immersed in a book, spending time watching a game with his friends or is out watching a movie with her friends, it does not mean he or she is losing interest in the relationship. It’s rather a healthy sign of wanting to grow, of desire to enhance the quality of one’s life.

Use this time to discover your own space:

Before you met your partner and made a hobby out of him or her, there must have been leisure time activities that helped you let go of your worries, helped you discover your true potential and filled you with a general feeling of hope. These activities could range from cooking, reading, hanging out with friends, writing a journal etc. Rediscover the lost interests and grow in life.

Planning for a future together is one of the charming aspects of a serious relationship. When suddenly you put your interests as a couple before anything you may want individually. While this is a perfect state of affairs, losing your sense as an individual in the long run will not bode well for the relationship. You may turn possessive, demanding and critical. While learning to let go and loosening the strings will not only help the couple stay in love but will help them develop respect for each other.

Don’t lose the focus on ‘we’ all the same:

A word of caution- Your need for space may seem like indifference to your partner. Ensure that you spend enough quality time together. Encourage your partner to develop an interest. And if your partner’s need for space is high, instead of nagging and jabbing about his or her interests, be understanding to their needs.

• All one needs is a couple of hours every week. A visit to the beauty salon over the weekend, catching up with friends over a movie or a game, going for music lessons…just set your self free of any responsibilities and make sure that your partner gets such time off too.

• Surprise one another by taking house work and kids off your partner’s hands once in a while.

• Acknowledge and reciprocate such gestures. Take the kids out for a couple of hours so that your spouse may enjoy a bubblebath or catch up on sleep.

If that wont make love grow, what will?


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